Severe pain drove this average Minnesotan to seek the comforts of medical cannabis. Here's how things worked out for her.
Earlier this year, one of my friends asked: “Will medical cannabis get you stoned?”
This was just before my first appointment to get “qualified” for medical cannabis use. I wasn’t sure how to answer.
What did I
know about medical cannabis? Not much. I struggled to parse what I was
finding online. Perhaps I was naive in expecting straightforward
information communicated by words without multiple meaning. So I was
thrown off by the lingo.
For
example, I began my quest, back in February 2016, by asking my primary
care doctor whether she “prescribed” medical cannabis. She did not, she
said. I later learned the distinction between “prescribe” and “qualify.”
Federal law prohibits U.S. doctors from prescribing medical cannabis,
because it is still an illegal substance according to federal law.
I even
searched online for “doctors in MN who prescribe medical weed.” At that
time, I found just two. After a little research, I chose a doctor in
Golden Valley because of his experience in managing pain.
I expected
the experience would be similar to visiting a primary care physician.
“How are you today? What are your symptoms?” Instead, the clinic staff
gave me a long checklist of instructions during the initial phone call. I
followed the instructions to the letter. For example, they directed me
to write down my e-mail password and have it handy for my appointment,
for reasons that became clear as I progressed through the process. It
was all very mysterious, but I obeyed carefully.
I was
desperate by this point. The severity of my pain and spasms was
escalating. I have a musculoskeletal condition and multiple degenerative
conditions, which cause debilitating spasms. By their nature, the
degenerative conditions aren’t going to improve; they will only keep
getting worse. Already, I have very little cushion between vertebrae.
I
have one vertebra that constantly crunches another, like a ledge of rock
sliding against the one below. This squeezes the nerves coming out of
my spinal cord, causing searing pain and a lack of mobility. My
neurologist says that at 57 I’m “relatively young” for this degree of
degeneration. If I wasn’t able to get qualified for medical cannabis, I
planned to beg my doctor for oxycodone.
“I’m qualified,” I announced to my husband after the visit. I was still starry-eyed with disbelief.
That very afternoon I called LeafLine, the lab that sells medical cannabis. I made an appointment for the next day.
I found
the lab at the end of a small strip of businesses in Eagan, bordering
woods. The door was locked when I arrived, but a staff member quietly
let me in. The monitor in the waiting area ran a looping video touting
LeafLine’s various formulations: Heather, Tangerine and Cobalt.
Finally, I
met with a pharmacist. She prescribed an oil I could take orally and
another formulation I could inhale using a vaporizer or vape pen.
Proceeding with caution
At home
that night I laughed giddily as I took my first toke on the vape pen. It
had been more than 30 years since my last experience with THC.
No, I did
not get stoned that evening. But my muscle spasms eased almost
immediately and so did the stabbing pain. My feet had been curling with
severe spasms for months, but suddenly I was freed from that particular
symptom (as was my husband who tried to help by massaging away the
spasms). Gone were the lightning bolts of pain that jabbed my shins,
knees and quads. I rose from my recliner a reborn woman.
Before
medical cannabis, I experienced several spasms an hour, at all hours of
the day. I could barely sleep. With medical cannabis, the spasms have
decreased to just a handful per day. And, thank goodness, I’m able to
get five solid hours of sleep most nights.
The
downside? I can’t travel as freely as I’d like. For the most part, I’m
able to wander around Minnesota with my medical cannabis. I can use my
vape pen openly in public. I’m even able to toke while driving as long
as I don’t go within 1,000 feet of schools or enter a federal government
facility.
But crossing state lines and entering airspace with medical cannabis is strictly off limits.
I recently read an article
that indicated airport and airline staff will look the other way when
it comes to passengers carrying medical cannabis. Some airports in
states where marijuana is legal allow possession while flying. So I
called Delta and asked for clarification about their policy.
I expected a
straightforward answer but instead got passed from person to person. I
hung up and tried again the next day. This time the representative dug
around and found the answer: It’s illegal to transport federally illegal
substances across state lines, whether you’re driving or flying.
How will I
cope when my husband and I travel? I recently learned about a
prescription pain medicine with the same pain-relieving powers as
oxycodone but without the high risk of addiction. I also learned there
are certain types of injections for temporary relief of the
bone-on-bone, nerve-squeezing condition that causes my symptoms. Yes, I
know this is a “Cadillac” problem, as we used to say.
As a staff member
at the cannabis lab told me, most of their clients are too immobilized
to travel much.
Have I
ever gotten high from medical cannabis? Are the effects similar to the
buzz I used to experience while smoking pot with friends?
No. After a
few days of inhaling and staying housebound, out of caution, I finally
went for a test drive around the block, just to be sure. There were no
flashbacks to my younger years, but I certainly noticed a heightened
awareness of everything I saw and heard. The pharmacist at the lab told
me that if I start to feel “loopy” I’ve taken too much.
My
experience with medical cannabis has been solitary but blissful — I can
move again. My body has relaxed from the ravaging spasms. I can grocery
shop with some degree of leisure. I no longer have to frantically get in
and out before my legs start to give way to spasms and pain.
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